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It's not just a cliche: you can have it all, says author Lisa Mclnnes- Smith. The trick is to think about what you really want.
Who does Lisa McInnes-Smith think she is? A latter-day soothsayer with the secret formula for a fulfilled, stress-free life?
The conference speaker's advance publicity promises a "heart-warming message of inspiration that captures hearts and changes lives forever". Groan. Not another holier-than-thou motivational speaker peddling the You Can Have it All message.
Just off the plane from a business conference in Canada, where she shared the bill with lateral thinking guru Edward de Bono and "success evangelist" Michael Gerber, McInnes-Smith says her house is a mess but she'd love me to come over to chat about her work.
Armed with her biography, it's hard not to feel just a little sceptical about both the mess and the message. I expect to find a couple of crumbs on the floor, a cushion out of place but she's not exaggerating. The kitchen bench can barely be seen for the clutter, and half-unpacked suitcases are scattered around the lounge room.
Mclnnes-Smith is making no apologies. She has long since dispensed with the Supermum act. In fact, she says, Supermum is a terrible label. "It is setting an impossible standard to uphold. It implies that you do everything that everybody else does. You take your kids to all the sporting activities, you work, you keep your house clean, you have meals on the table, you look after your girlfriends, you're there for your mother and father and the in-laws what a ridiculous role model to put up, because you will always fail."
Her conversation is dotted with aphorisms such as "you can't give what you don't have" and "look at what you've got, not what you're not", and tales of her own struggles. Most of the advice she offers is what used to be called common sense, yet is no longer common, she says.
But the effect, both in person and on stage, is indeed inspiring.
Trying to juggle an international speaking career, two young children, friends, parents and a sprawling house in Sandringham, McInnes-Smith reached "fall-apart point" three-and-a-half years ago and realised something had to give. So she and her husband sat down and drew up separate lists of what they wanted out of life, then sorted out their priorities. Activities that took time but gave little reward were discarded. McInnes-Smith decided she would hire a cleaner and worry less about the presentation of her house.
Sure, you can have it all, she says, but you have to decide what "all" is for you. "Life's like a smorgasbord it's all laid out before you. You can have what you want but you've got to sit down and figure out what it is you want. Most people don't stop for long enough to evaluate it."
It's a question of balance. Most couples want a strong relationship, well-adjusted children, good quality friendships and energy from exercise or a creative outlet, but there is no ideal model. It is different for every couple, she says.
People whose lives are out of balance may feel a sense of not coping or emptiness, or a lack of romance and companionship in the marriage. "It's a neon sign saying, 'It's time for change. Do something'," she says.
But change does not need to be monumental, says McInnes-Smith. Improvement means taking small steps towards a goal. A father who works an 80-hour week might resolve to spend more time with his children, starting with five minutes a week with each child. "The results of that one-on-one time and the sense of connection that the father and child experience motivates him to think, 'I'd like to do more of this'."
McInnes-Smith's message of peak performance, team work and balance has won her a loyal following on the speakers' circuit. She has worked with both large corporations such as AMP, Nestle and Westpac, and franchises such as Amway and Baker's Delight, and has written seven books, six of which have become best-sellers.
The former teacher began 12 years ago speaking to year 11 and 12 students about problem-solving and goal-setting. Teachers and parents in the audience liked what they heard and invited her to speak to other organisations. Her career has grown by word of mouth since.
Talking with parents at her daughter's kindergarten, she realised the message could just as easily apply to families. Tonight, she will give a public seminar about ways to improve a marriage, find happiness, reduce stress and raise contented children. If people leave intending to implement one of her ideas, the evening will be a success.
"I'm not saying that I've got all the answers. What I'm saying is that I'm working with my husband through this journey of making a life that matters... We've got lots of ideas that have helped us and others and we're sharing them."
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